In previous blog posts I may have made reference to a friend of mine who isn't a friend anymore... We didn't get into a fight. We just stopped talking. Even though there is usually a mutual upset in friendships that don't last, I have to say I mainly blame her for the fact that we don't talk anymore. She made the choice to take herself away.
I've been pretty angry with her since Christmas for reasons that I won't bother getting into. Some of these reasons may have been blown out of proportion because I never did even talk to her about them. That's the problem with this type of situation: if you don't get into a fight then nothing gets said. Or resolved.
Have you ever had a friendship with a person who stopped making an effort to call her friends because of a man? A friend who, when the relationship wasn't going well, would call you crying or to vent about how miserable he made her, only to run back to him and disappear when things got better again? We never understood why she kept going back to this guy. Didn't have the chance to get to know him because I'm fairly certain she was worried we'd already judged him as not good enough. Which was completely true - we never did get a chance to find out otherwise since they kept their relationship to themselves, and only went out with his friends.
There were 3 of us who spent all of our time together - felt like I had two sisters. We shared everything and went through a few pretty intense things together (breakups, crushes, finding out somebody's pregnant) yet when this guy called, she answered. And disappeared.
I'm still pretty sad about the way things ended, but haven't thought about it as much lately - it's been almost 6 months since we last talked.
For the last couple of days she's been on msn messenger and each time I saw her I wanted to send a message. Problem with that is:
1. Don't know what to say
2. Don't know if I want to bother trying anymore
3. Don't know if the things I want to say are going to make things better or worse
4. Since being with him she has totally changed so many of the things that made her the person she was (a fellow beer drinking hockey watcher actually) and I don't know if I'd be able to relate to her anymore
So I just sat and stared at the little green icon with her name beside it before closing my msn window. Maybe I'm being childish but I feel like she's the one who should be trying to salvage our friendship. Am I wrong?
Losing a friend is like (and sometimes worse than) being dumped.
Not sure what to do...