Saturday, February 04, 2006

enough is enough already

okay, well this is my blog so I get to rant if I want to. I have been holding some major frustration in for the last few months and it just needs to be let out...
When I moved to Windsor, I knew that many of the people I was friends with would probably lose touch in time. What I didn't realize that how quickly this would happen and how much effort it would take on my part just to keep in touch with the people I thought of as close friends. Not to say they still are not close friends, but when you go a couple of months without a phone call to say "hi", it becomes kind of difficult. Things like babies and jobs and boyfriends and life definitely get in the way, which I do understand. So I make the effort to call and visit and keep in touch as best I can. I've never been wonderful about that either - especially when I'm busy - but lately it seems that I am making all of the effort.
Right now, I am busier than I have ever been in my life, yet I make the time on spare evenings or weekends to try and get in touch with people. Leaving a message at the tone. It's funny but I think I've spoken more to a couple of my friends' answering machines in the last couple of months than the actual people.
Ironically, the person who makes the most effort to keep in touch is Ledawit, who has a 4 month old baby and is literally on her own all day while her boyfriend works two jobs. This girl is incredibly busy, yet she always makes time to call and does actually answer her phone some of the time.
Even more ironically, in the last three days I have recieved a card from an old friend who is living in Yellowknife, and an email from a girl I went to university with and haven't spoken to in three years.
I dont' know if I'm angry or sad or what. It definitely stings that some of the people who I have thought of as good friends act like it's an inconvenience when I call or offer to visit. Again, i understand that life gets in the way, but no matter how busy I have been in my life, I hope to God that I have never let any of the people in my life feel like an inconvenience to me. Not a good feeling, and it's definitely enough to make me take a step back and wonder our friendship will really be lasting or not. Okay, definitely a depressing subject here. But this is life, and I have learned in the past that you can't hold on to people who are not meant to stay in your life.
I guess the reason I'm so upset about this whole thing is that I had built my own life in London and the friends I had made there were very important to me. for the first time, I was out on my own, paying my own way, just living my own life. I knew when I moved away that there was a strong chance that I wouldn't be back, except to visit. while this was sad, I knew that at least there would always be a place to crash for a night and lots of people to visit. It's kinda strange when this changes. As I've mentioned - I totally understand how crazy people's lives can be - especially those with new babies - but it doesn't make it any easier for a girl who is far away from home (8 hours, 2 hours, whatever) and misses her old life.

Just blowing off steam I suppose - the therapeutic part of having a blog.

Since I'm fairly sure nobody reads this blog (not too many of my friends are into this type of thing), I guess it doesn't matter than I rant for several paragraphs like a drunk teenager.

well this girl is going to go find herself a drink


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