Monday, November 06, 2006

This s**t is bananas

People always say that you know you're getting old when all of the new music sounds the same: heinous, ear-pounding noise with lyrics that are either "impossible to hear" or don't make any sense. Lately I've noticed that some of the new music out there just sucks. There's not better way to describe it. Tuneless, bad singing, nonsensical lyrics - a smorgasboard of bad taste.

Being a musician myself, as well as a long-time affectionado of all kinds of music (from old jazz to hiphop to classical to rock to... well anything that sounds good to my ears), I consider myself fairly open-minded when it comes to what I listen to. There are some artists I can't stand and probably will never really enjoy, but even they occasionally come out with a catchy tune that I'll hum along with on the radio.

We have been listening to a lot of internet radio lately, which allows us to choose any kind of music to fit our moods. Usually I play the top40 / hiphop type stations, jumping from place to place after the music starts to get repetitive, or a particuarly bad song starts to play.

Which brings me to the point of this post.

Have you heard Gwen Stefani's new song, Wind it Up?

If not, you're lucky.

I have never heard anything that sounds less like music. Even "London Bridge" from Fergie tops this tuneless horror (and that one's pretty bad). Don't believe me? Check this out. (I promise I thought of the Fergie thing before reading this webpage)

I was going to link to it, but have decided that since I like my blogger audience and would like you all to keep on liking me back, that it's a better idea to let you hunt it down at your own risk.

The song starts off with yodeling.

Not just any yodeling, but the song that you hear during "The Sound of Music" about the lonely goatherder. It was terrible in the movie and is even worse when combined with a very weird almost polka-y (is that a word?) beat and Gwen's random shouts (she certainly isn't singing).

In honour of Ms. Stefani's new tune, I bring you this Top Ten list:

Things that sound better than Gwen's new song:

1. Cats fighting
2. mosquitos buzzing in your ear
3. A girl I knew in high school's high-pitched soprano attempting to sing badass chick music
4. Car alarms
5. People chewing with their mouths open
6. tone-deaf people singing Celine Dion songs in a karaoke bar
7. my alarm first thing in the morning
8. our old neighbour's dog barking (for hours on end)
9. my father's incredibly loud snoring (that once forced me to spend the night in a hotel bathtub to escape the noise)
10. loudly ticking clocks (like the one at my grandmother's place)

Honorable mention: Suldog's "tough titties" (you know you wanna click on this link and find out what the hell I'm talking about...)


Update: Apparently Fergie has a new "song" out now too... consider yourselves warned.

Just in case you think I'm being mean here, this is what somebody on The Noise Boston website had to say about it:
Fergilicious is slightly better than My Humps or London Bridge, which is much like saying diphtheria is better than leprosy.

Listen at your own risk.


  • At 6:57 PM, Blogger Beechball * said…

    Oh you just KNOW I'm in the process of downloading both of those songs, lol - i'll be back with my complaints :P

  • At 7:00 PM, Blogger Beechball * said…

    so far I hate fergie. I always have and always will. On second thought, My Humps was hilariously bad and easy to make fun of! Meh, I suppose I only hate her 96.75%, lol

  • At 7:34 PM, Blogger Kim said…

    Do you think if the girl in #3 was reading this, she would know that you were talking about her? Probably not, which makes it just that much more funny. Poor girl...I still give her an A for effort! ;)

  • At 8:54 PM, Blogger Beechball * said…

    Okay the song sucks BUT I really like the middle singing part where it's kind of dancey - that's fun but the rest B-lows. :P I'm done posting on your site for now... it's your blog, not mine! ;) haha

  • At 11:14 PM, Blogger NotCarrie said…

    yuck, I HATE Fergie!

  • At 1:51 AM, Blogger Melinda said…

    heehee Lyndsay - i was wondering why I had 5 comments already ;)

    Kim: I'm pretty sure she would have no idea at all. I can still hear her voice echoing around our high school gym...

    notcarrie: you're totally right - Fergie is terrible

  • At 9:26 AM, Blogger Laura Coubrough said…

    Okay.. I had to think about this one.. Fergie... brutal. She ruined the black eyed peas. They were way better without her. Gwen... as much as I love Gwewn, she has gotten a little weird. I'm probably the biggest No Doubt fan in the world... but Gwen on her own, needs to grow on you. The new Nelly Furtado CD was also a big disappointment to me. I love her other cds and I even love a lot of the work she does with other artists like Jurrasic 5. (If you ever have time try to find the track called Thin Line it's awesome). I think that really good music is still out there it's just harder to find.

  • At 9:58 AM, Blogger Johnny C. said…

    Man, I actually looked that song up. It was awful. How can people listen to that crap?

  • At 10:25 AM, Blogger Dave said…

    I'm not going to try and find those songs for the same reason that I don't yank my fingernails off with a pair of pliers. I don't need to experience it to know I won't like it.

    For music that doesn't make me want to claw my eyes out, I listen to 102.1 The Edge out of Toronto. Great station. And yes....they have a live Internet feed.

  • At 11:31 AM, Blogger Suldog said…

    Well, they're not really MY tough titties, but I appreciate the mention just the same :-)

  • At 12:10 PM, Blogger Laura Coubrough said…

    Holy Crap I just got the #3 reference "Can't fight the seether!"
    Hilarious Mel.

  • At 1:26 PM, Blogger Melinda said…

    I'm go glad you got the joke Laura - I couldn't wait to read what you and Kim had to say about that one ;)


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